rhydonmyhardon: i hate it when flies fucking rub their stupid little shitty hands together like they’re plotting to ruin my life those tiny little bastards
chafing-nipples: dangermat: when bananas rot they secrete stuff that makes other fruit including bananas near them rot faster that’s so fucked up that is murder suicide bananas commit murder suicide that’s pretty fucking metal
I can smell you in the morning, like you still wake up on the wrong side of my bed, and it’s probably for the best that I prefer your essence over your presence.
vhatthefack: I wish I could get to know you
How rape trials should go?
Lawyer: Did he rape her?
Witness: Yes, but she was drunk and passed out.
Lawyer: That's not what I asked. Did he rape her?
Witness: Yes, but she was wearin-
Lawyer: I didn't ask what she was wearing. Did he rape her?
Witness: Yes, but-
Lawyer: I didn't ask anything else. It's just a simple yes or no answer. Did he rape her?
Laywer: Yes, he raped her.
Rape is rape is rape, no matter the context.
trilled: I am never liking anyone ever again ever this is retarded
wartortles: girl looks really cute in her icon but doesnt have a face page on her blog
grrrlfever: if ur secretly in love with me u should tell me not because those feelings might be reciprocated but because its really good for my ego
goobsohard: The sexual tension between two people when one of them says “make me”
well son, it all started when your mother liked my selfie
reggiesloth: i liked your selfie because i want to fuck the life out of you
finding porn when you’re horny is probably the hardest thing ever omg
if the fire were ever to fade from her soul and her eyes were left bare i promise i would stand beside her with the ashes to remind her she was perfect and she is perfect and she will always be but if the fire were ever to fade from her soul and her eyes were left bare i would hold her with a lighter in my hand and promise that my phoenix would rise from her ashes because she was...
do u wanna cuddle naked yes or yes
astrobit: if slugs were fast it would be very scary
fishingboatproceeds: baptised-in-vodka: Ok like I’ve never read The Fault In Our Stars but I see it every where on this site and I want to. Is it any good?? It’s okay. omg
Is anyone else completely terrified by the concept that you could, someday, meet someone who actually genuinely wants to spend the rest of their life in love with you?